Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.

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(207): View more from Maine

Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

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(941): View more from Florida

do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?

(727): View more from Florida

Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's

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