I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
