Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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