guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
