I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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