You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
