wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
