the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
