I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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