I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Actions speak louder than pants.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize
