Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
