also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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