marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
