I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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