Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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