I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
your room smells of hookers.
And success
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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