im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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