sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
