Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
