Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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