I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
