Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
