HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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