i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize