Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
