So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
