i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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