Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
