To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
