Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
