Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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