What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
