I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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