Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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