I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize