Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
