She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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