Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
