Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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