Already got asked if we're dating
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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