check it out our google latitudes are spooning
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
