when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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