I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
