While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
