Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
