where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
