I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
