Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
