You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
