so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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