So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
