and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
