Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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