Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
