What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
