You made me cry and you don't even care
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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