there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
