Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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