I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
