My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
