Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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