I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
