3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
