do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
