What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
