At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
