My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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