i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
