Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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