Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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