It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
