I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
