It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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