I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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