I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
