My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
