That's intense
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
