So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I want is dick and wine.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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