Someone shit on the floor
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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