Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
