I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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