omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
