Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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