I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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