My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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