I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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