Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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