I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
