I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
