I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
