I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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