The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize