you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
