omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
